DEAR ABBY: A husband has suffered a second loss after the death of his wife

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DEAR ABBY: I am trying to come to terms with the death of my wife “Charlotte” a month ago. Many old friends and relatives showed their support. Apart from my sadness, what hurts is the silence of a certain couple.

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We were close to this family over the years when our sons were growing up. We've celebrated all the joys and life-changing events together, including going out to dinner every Friday night and hanging out together. After our boys were on their own, we saw the couple less and less, but we still kept in touch from time to time.

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When Charlotte passed, they were the first two people I reported to. They were out of town at the time, so I postponed his memorial service for a day so they could attend. I felt they were important to us, so they should be there.

I haven't heard a single word from this couple! They live a mile away and I haven't received a dinner invitation or even a phone call. I was shocked at their lack of care because I was alone at home and I was devastated by Charlotte's death. A simple phone call to ask how I'm doing would be helpful. What do you think about it? — ABANDONED IN NEW YORK

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DEAR BY: I am sorry for the loss of your wife. Since this is so recent, your pain must be overwhelming. As for this couple, I believe that as your sons grew older, their friendship with you began to fade.

It would be sympathetic if they felt stronger when they received the news of your wife's death, but they (like many others) probably didn't know what to say or do, so they didn't do anything.

If you want to talk to them, call them. But when you do, don't expect more than a cursory sympathy from them. Instead, focus on friends who have shown that they are willing to be there for you.

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DEAR ABBY: I met a guy online and have been dating him for the past four years. His parents have been living with him since the pandemic, and I have yet to be invited to his home or meet them. He is from Bolivia and his parents say they want him to marry a Bolivian girl who is Catholic and childless. I am divorced, American, and a mother of two.

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He tells me that he is afraid that if I meet them, our relationship will end. He says they're moving back to Bolivia, but they're still here. I haven't even met his friends. He says that between his friends, his parents who live with him, and studying for his architecture exams, he never does anything. All these years later, I have yet to meet one of his friends. What should i do? — OFF RADAR IN WISCONSIN

From DEAR RADAR: Recognize that this person may not be completely honest with you about their situation. Frankly, he may be married, or he may not be who he presents himself to be in other aspects of his life. Since your relationship hasn't progressed after four years of dating (on and off), what you need to do is TURN ON.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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