DEAR ABBY: Extramarital affairs are dangerous to a woman's mental health

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DEAR ABBY: I have been with a married man for the past five years. He lied to me about his status. He told me that his wife of 15 years left him. I recently found out that she has been with him for over 30 years and is the mother of his children. I've tried to quit a few times, but I always come back. I don't blame him, but I was really hurt by the deceptions. I've been hospitalized for depression three times since I've been with him. I'm not a home wrecker. He is not a demon. I just need help. I can't go on like this. My mental health is rapidly deteriorating now. Please help me. — HEART BROKEN IN MARYLAND

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DEAR HEARTS: You're stuck in a self-defeating cycle that won't change. In my book, this married man is a demon. He is a horrible person with no conscience. Seeing the effect this has had on you (three hospitalizations for depression!?), if he had a conscience, he would have stopped it. If you don't have a licensed mental health professional to talk to to help you break out of this destructive cycle once and for all, seek a referral to one now before you end up in the hospital again.

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DEAR ABBY: I was a faithful son. I often called and visited my parents and took them on trips with my family. I have two grown children that I rarely see or hear from. Some of my friends tell me that their children are the same. Is this generational or an anomaly? — CHOICE IN FLORIDA

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DEAR CHOICE: This may be more common today. Whether it's because of insensitivity, because young people face more challenges and worries than previous generations, or because of unresolved resentment towards their parents, I can't say. But your problem seems to have become less common over the past few decades. Phone calls have been replaced by text messages, but texts lack the warmth and immediacy of verbal communication that previous generations enjoyed. Could this be what you are missing?

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DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband and four beautiful children. But lately I've developed a crush on his best friend, and I fantasize about him sometimes. I love my husband with all my heart and I am really happy with our marriage. How to get rid of these feelings? I don't know what they mean. — MYSTIFE IN MISSOURI

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DEAR MYSTIFIED: It means you are human. One way to control your fantasies is to stop feeling guilty about having them. You are far from the only woman who falls in love with unattainable men. Fan clubs for actors and TV series immediately come to mind. The time to worry and perhaps seek professional help is when love starts to have a negative effect on your marriage. You say you love your husband. If this is true, remind him not to act on those fantasies and give him the respect he deserves.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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